Plum's Birthday Diamonds
by Jam.MastahXJay
Summary: Dedicated to Plumalchemyst. It's Plum's -early- birthday, but JJ sadly can't make it, so she gets the boys to get her diamonds for her special day. Too bad that Kuwabara gets left in charge of the diamond money... Happy early Birthday, Plum! :D


JJ: I feel like Lanipator when he takes over a year from not posting his Abridged series. ¬¬

Hiei: Huh, you should feel like that all the time...

JJ: Shut. Up. You fat. Bastard.

Hiei: ...

JJ: Anyways, happy early birthday, Plum!! :D

Hiei: Hn.

JJ: Goddamn, you bug. Go away! Oh, by the way, I got this off of a corny joke (again) XD

...

"HIEI, KURAMA, KUWABARA, ASS-WIPE, GET OUT HERE!!!!!!!!!" JJ screamed frantically as she screeched to a stop in the front of the bottom stairs. The sound of feet stomping down the stairs could be heard and soon, Kuwabara, Hiei and Kurama had blocked the way, all shoving each other, wanting to be the first one to reach the bottom of the stairs.

"OW!! Guys, move! I was first!" Kuwabara shouted angrily. Hiei snorted at that and punched Kuwabara's mouth.

"Whatever, I'm the fastest, so _I'm _first!" Kurama growled lowly and tried to shove his way out of the sandwich he was the filling of.

"I'm the oldest," he said simply. His green eyes flickered, turning a golden color as he struggled in between the two, "so it's _me _who goes first!" JJ's eye twitched and an angry vein popped out on the side of her head as she smacked all three of them upside the head as hard as she possibly could.

"WILL YOU THREE JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT BIND!??!! I have important matters to discuss with your idiotic minds! ¡Ah mi Zeus, usted que chavos son idiotas!1" JJ screamed at them. Suddenly, a growing yelp was heard as Yusuke tumbled down the stairs.

"MOVE!!!" he shouted in fear. JJ's eyes widened.

"WOMAN DOWN!! EVERY PERSON FOR THEMSELVES!!" she announced and sought shelter on the floor before rolling away from the three stuck cosplayers. Kurama, Kuwabara, and Hiei stopped arguing and managed to turn their heads. Yusuke had then crashed into the stuck cosplayers, forcing all four of them to hit the floor at the same time with four loud _thumps!_

"Ow," Kurama and Hiei muttered as they both sat up from the sudden attack. Yusuke and Kuwabara were half-conscious as they struggled to get up. After a couple minutes, JJ slowly got up on her feet and stared at the tangled bodies as they all tried to stand up without success.

"Well, now that _that's _outta the way," she said, acting as if nothing happened while she dusted herself off, "and I have you all here to listen to me, I've an announcement." The cosplayers groaned, she sent a chilling glare at them. "I'm positive you remember one of my good ol' buddies, Plum, right?" They said nothing in response. "_Right?_"

"Obviously, we do," Hiei shot at her bitterly. Her response was to kick him in the face.

"It's her birthday today." (I decided that the date in this fanfiction is 4/28)

"So?" Kuwabara said nonchalantly. Her nasty glare intensified as her eyes focused on him.

"_So... _it's her birthday!" she said cheerfully. Then, her happy expression turned into a depressed, emo expression, complete with the black side bang that covered up one of her eyes and a tear that was black from her thick eyeliner ran down her cheek. "But I gotta jet and I don't have time to get her something. So I was wondering if you guys could get her something special because of her birthday." Hiei glared at her, Kurama sighed, Yusuke snorted, and Kuwabara groaned.

"Do we have to?" Kuwabara whined.

"Great, another chore," Yusuke muttered sourly.

"Hn. What if we say no to your question?" Hiei dared to ask. Kurama's eyes widened as JJ grasped onto Hiei's collar and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Motherfucker, I wasn't asking," she said maliciously. Hiei gulped audibly.

"So, ahem," Kurama said, coughing intentionally, "what should we get?" JJ's eyes lit up as she shoved a frightened-outta-his-mind Hiei into the ground hard.

"Glad you asked, Fox. Diamonds." Kuwabara and Yusuke sweat-dropped.

"Diamonds?" they asked in disbelief. She nodded.

"Yep. Diamonds." Yusuke tilted his head slightly.

"Why?"

"Because diamonds are a girl's best friend, Yusuke," Kurama said matter-of-factly. JJ blinked before shrugging.

"Whatever. Diamonds aren't my thing, I just heard Plum saying she wanted diamonds to sell or something for extra money, so I thought she would like diamonds for a birthday gift," she said. Kurama sweat-dropped.

"Why not just give her money instead-" the cosplayer tried to say, but JJ's phone went off and she looked panicky.

"Oh shit, I gots to go. Here!" She shoved a wad of hundred dollar bills into Kurama's hands before fleeing. "Remember, diamonds!!" She then left the mansion and the boys, who all stood and sat there motionless. After ten minutes of pure silence, Kurama grunted and handed Hiei the money.

"I have to, uhh... pick up my mother from the grocery store in Taiwan," he lied awkwardly. Hiei's eyes scrunched together.

"We live in Minnesota in the US," he spat out. Kurama sweat-dropped.

"There's Kuronue calling for me. See ya!" He fleed. Hiei had a "WTF!!" look on his face as he looked at the money. A nervous sweat broke out on his face as he handed Yusuke the money.

"Um, I have to go with him," the short cosplayer lied before running after Kurama. Yusuke shrugged and shoved the money into Kuwabara's chest.

"Shit, I'm just not gonna do it. Have fun, Kuwabara, and remember diamonds!" he reminded his bumbling friend as he left the premises. Kuwabara looked at the money, shrugged, and stuffed it into his pocket.

"All right, I guess I can go do this by myself," he murmured to himself. "I mean, I'm a big boy now that I wear Huggies!!"

...

It was 4:21 pm and Plum walked into the mansion with Yukina, Hunny, and Momiji in tow. They were all laughing and having a good time, it seemed.

"So, how's your birthday been so far, Plum?" Yukina asked sweetly. Plum shrugged and smiled.

"Pretty good. Wish JJ woulda made it though," she said. Hunny shrugged.

"Ehh, she had that emergency with her family in Fargo, North Dakota," he informed them. "Apparently, her cousin Crissy actually went into labor finally." Plum's eyes widened.

"Wow."

"Yeah, but I heard Kuwabara and the others got you a present," he said, spoiling the surprise that Kuwabara, who was hiding under a blanket on the couch that the four were standing by, had planned. He jumped up.

"Oh, come on! You just ruined it!" he shouted angrily. All four of them cried out and Plum punched him hard in the face, knocking him down right away.

"Oops," she mumbled as she bent over and saw him in a bloody pulp. "Sorry." Kuwabara shook his head and jumped up.

"Not to worry, you didn't ruin the present I got you," he said victoriously. Hunny and Momiji tilted their heads curiously as Yukina noticed the big box that was sitting on the couch.

"Kuwabara, that's a lot of diamonds," she said in awe. Kuwabara bit his tongue to keep from yelling at the beautiful cosplayer. Plum gasped and snatched the box right away.

"OMG!! You got me diamonds!!" Plum marveled. She shook the box a little and noticed that it was really light and barely made any sound. "Why's it so light?" She tore off the wrapping paper and dramatically opened the lid. In it, there was...

Plum nearly fainted at what was inside. Yukina gazed inside and her jaw dropped. Momiji and Hunny copied her and suddenly, Hunny's fist collided with Kuwabara's cheek.

"OW!! What the fuck was that for?!" he shouted. Hunny pointed at the box.

"What the fuck made you get _that!?!?_" the loli shota screamed in disbelief. Kuwabara held his bruising cheek and shrugged as the box fell from Plum's hands and she fainted. The contents spilled out, revealing cards that had red diamonds printed on them.

"Well, JJ said to get her diamonds, so I went out and bought cards!"

...

1 - Oh my Zeus, you guys are idiots!

...

JJ: Happy -early- Birthday, Plum! :D

Hiei: That ending made no sense.

JJ: Kuwabara bought decks of cards and picked out the cards with diamonds on them to give to Plum instead of actual diamonds. There's the blunt ending, you idiot.

Hiei: ¬¬


End file.
